“This is an excerpt from my past journal. It is very personal, but as I’ve stated many times, I feel it is time to stand up and let my voice be heard. My past is my past, but if it can help anyone living the same nightmare, then it is worth sharing.”
I am 23 years old and have decided that I need to use a diary to help me de-stress my life some. My husband and I have been married 5 years now, and my little angel is now 3 years old. Since I married, right out of high school, I have completely changed. I’ve lost all of my energy and become the greatest pessimist that I’ve ever seen. My husband and I have never seen eye to eye on anything and I know that I have changed due to our marriage together.
I used to think that I could do anything that I set my mind too, but now I think otherwise. I currently work full-time and go to school 4 nights a week. My husband hates it and constantly uses it against me. He has even gone so far as to tell our son that I would rather be at school than at home with him. In a way, I know I use school as an escape from reality, but I know that in the end, it will only make reality a better place for us all.
I want a good job, a nice home, and enough money to keep groceries in the refrigerator at all times. I know that will never happen if I leave it up to my husband, so I have to do it myself. I do not enjoy being away from my son so much, but I hope that one day he will thank me for it. I love my son more than anything else in this universe. I will do whatever it takes to keep him happy and healthy.
My doctor has told me that I have too much stress on me. He put me on some medicine to help deal with that, but since my husband was fired from another job again last Monday, I decided I needed a little something more than just a pill to help me feel better. I read in a magazine that a diary/journal is a very good stress reliever, so it’s worth a try.
Today, I spent the day with my son. I took him to watch his cousin at a karate competition, then I dressed him in his Halloween costume (a construction worker) and took him to a Halloween party at the church. He had a blast and I really enjoyed spending the time with him. As usual, my husband spent the day hunting and then “socializing” with the guy next door, but I won’t get into that. Yesterday, I called in sick to work and spent the day at the hospital in Spartanburg with my grandfather, mother, granny, and father. My grandfather had triple-by-pass surgery about six weeks ago, but was not healing from it, so they had to re-do some of the surgery yesterday. When I left, he seemed to be doing a good bit better.
I hope to be able to share my thoughts in this journal as much as possible. I really have no one else here to talk to anyway. It would be nice if my husband was also my best-friend so that I could talk to him, but that will never happen. It’s now the end of a very long day and I’m hitting the sack. Till later…